Soilent orange is made of...

Today was trick or night in the neighborhood of the Timothy House. We like to be good neighbors, so we pass out candy every year and serve people hot dogs, eat some for dinner ourselves, and have cider or hot chocolate. My coworkers, Kevin and Anne, were feeling particularly generous this year and dug a sack of "hot dog sauce" out of the freezer. We had probably 50 lbs, or several bags of it donated a couple months ago and haven't know what to use for until today. I would estimate that one frozen sack of hot dog sauce yields one a half gallons of finished sauce. When I first saw it on the stove top, bubbling in its cauldron, I said, "That looks like rendering lard or something." Then Kevin said something to Anne like, "Add more water," and I thought, That can't be right. You don't "add more water" to something like chili. Then Kevin stirred the cauldron, and I said, "Oh. This is meat oatmeal. This is oatmeal made out of meat." Kevin proceeded to explain that I wasn't too far off base, as the first 2 ingredients were "beef hearts, textured vegetable protein." Anne ate a spoonful of it straight with the promise of a peppermint patty later. I was disgusted. "Anne, you got a raw deal," I said.

But, if you know me well, then you know that I'm quite stupid. You probably know that I don't learn well from other's mistakes. If you know me well, I don't have to tell you that I ate an enormous hot dog with a ladle of bright orange meat oatmeal on top. But I'll tell you any way. I ate the orange beef heart oatmeal. I ate the hell out of it.

It didn't "sit well," but it didn't poison me either.

I have this theory.

Everyone has, as a part of their intense, ingrained survival instinct, and ability to consume anything that resembles food that does not smell rancid. Some people, even when they are not starving to death are capable of shutting down their higher brain functioning and only running on survival instinct. I believe this is the key to winning something like, say, a hot dog eating contest. Shut down most of your brain, and channel completely the God given ability that every human has to think, This dead zebra ass is my only hope of survival. I must eat this carcass if I want to have energy to hunt meat for my starving family for the next week. You go to that place in your mind, and maybe you eat 30 hot dogs in 5 minutes. Or maybe you eat orange meat oatmeal out of curiosity.

A pox, a pox on your house!

Lately, my whole body has itched from head to toe. The source of this itch? Paranoia. The source of this paranoia? Scabies and lice at work. 3 different residents were diagnosed with scabies over the past 2 months. Then, today, we discovered that some very long-haired people have lice. I just itch so badly. I've doused myself in pesticides and even had the house sprayed. Exorcism is the only remaining hope.

Most terrifying? One really, really clean (as in, much cleaner than me) person has gotten both. No one is safe.

But seriously, how disheartening. You live at a homeless shelter. You work as hard as you can, but people assume you're a lazy bum because you're going through hard times right now, then, you get diagnosed with a parasite that makes you feel like a leper. Crap. Everyone on staff has been earnestly struggling with what it means to be like Christ in this scenario. I have some nit picking in my future.

On the up-side, I've been painting some table tops recently. Specifically, 2 coffee tables and one end table. I'm pretty much done with the end table, that will belong to my friend, Kevin. This table top is under the genre of "zombie cartoon," meaning awesome. Pictures will follow. His last table top was under the themes "coffee" and "wizard battle." This is pictured below. Have any furniture you want gratified? I thought you might. I will do this for you, too, for only the cost of paint and what your conscience compels you to give me. Kevin's conscience paid me in home-made beer.

Back in the saddle...

"Welcome back to blogging, Andrea."
"Thanks, me. I missed it."
"Me too."
"Let's get started."
"OK."

I kept a blog for the longest time here. I gave it up, though, when 2 things happened. (1) My life, unexpectedly began to seem boring to me, leaving me, for the first time ever, with very little to say about it. (2) All of my "LiveJournal" friends moved to "MySpace," which was new, scary, and way too flashy and complicated. In my cave-man-like confusion, I did not follow and retired my blog.

I am excited to blog here though, for 2 reasons. (1) My life, providing housing to the homeless, painting, going to a crazy ass, living out the kingdom of God on earth kind of church, and having most excellent fun with my husband and friends is far from boring. (2) Blogspot is not scary or complicated and already feels "homey," "cozy," "familiar," and other adjectives that make it sound like I've never used a computer.

Mmm...good to be back.