The Shepherds

Merry Christmas.

Ben and I threw our third annual holiday blow-out for our friends who don't usually get invited to things like Christmas parties. I have to say, this is becoming my favorite Christmas event.

It started out as I described--a special kind of dinner for our friends who don't get invited to things much. Last year we invited a few more people and had a Christmas cookie decorating party as well. This year was better, though. Our friends who came who were former residents of the Timothy House, or members of the house church we're a part of in Carpenter Hall didn't feel like "special guests" who we needed to "reach out" and throw a party for. They're just our friends. And they're wonderful people. And they spent time and played games and music with all of our other friends.

I think everyone's enjoyment was...mutual...except maybe our 4 year-old friend, who partied the hardest and then puked green Christmas frosting everywhere. Way to get into the spirit of things, kid.

Millstone--the real part 4

OK. This is part 4 of a possible 66 part series. As you may have guessed, it's a man with a millstone tied around his neck being thrown into the deepest part of the sea. I would have posted a photo of it earlier, but it was up at Arts/West for a while. I only just got it back today.

Part 4

...or maybe it's part 5 of a 66 part series. At any rate, this is my great aunt Clara. She illustrates, to me, Titus 2. She's been a good example to me. Not a gossip, not overindulging. Teaching me to love people, to be kind, and faithful. Thank you Clara. Thank you God.

Part 3

Of a possible 66 part series. This is the prophet Jeremiah feeling like the word of the Lord is a fire inside his bones. When I showed it to guys at the Timothy House, two of them said, in unison, "That would make a great back tattoo!" I took it as a compliment. He is yelling on their behalf, after all.

Hygiene

So...I was brushing my teeth just now and accidentally smacked my hand really hard into my toothbrush while it was still in my mouth. The toothbrush, in turn, smashed my lip into my tooth. What I'm saying is, I just gave myself a bloody lip brushing my teeth.

Full contact hygiene.

Happy Anniversaries!

So I celebrated two great anniversaries last week. The first was my four year mark with Good Works. I like my job and I love the people that I work with. It's an opportunity and a privilege, and I feel that way even on crappy days, so I count myself the fortunate one in this scenario.

Then, over the weekend, Ben and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary. Ben got us a cabin at Dillon State Park for the weekend and we slept in and went swimming and hiking. We cooked great food. It was awesome. First marriages have a way of tanking right out of the gate among the young people in my family, and staying together, working things out when we have conflicts, and generally being happy at the five year mark is something to be proud of. I'm proud of us.

Finally, my parents hit their 40th anniversary on Christmas Eve, but are just celebrating it now. They are currently on an Alaskan cruise. I'm so happy for them and I know they'll have a great time because they're so easy to please and there's so much to see.

This might sound weird, but I think the reason they've made it so long is that they had low expectations from life and marriage. I think, even though they've worked hard for it, that they've taken the good things in their lives as pleasant surprises.

For your viewing pleasure

This is #2 out of a series of 4 seasons. This is SPRING. I'm pleased with how it turned out. The pictures aren't great, but they'll work for now.

Nerd Love

Ben and I are about to celebrate our 5th anniversary. When we were falling in love six and a half years ago, we made several discoveries that sealed the deal, so to speak. They were mutual loves of the following things:

1. Red wine
2. Spicy food
3. Left-wing (dare I say socialist?) political leanings
4. The Impressionists--not Monet, but the rest--innovative geniuses
5. STAR TREK

All of the above were a shocking delight to uncover about another student at our uber-conservative, fundamentalist Bible College, but #5? That bumped him up to marriage material.

You know, there are a few levels of Trekie nerddom...Lovers of this particular fantasy world range from the totally obsessed Klingon language learners who own full convention style wordrobes and can't tell reality from their favorite episodes, to people who take in an ocasional movie and watch original episodes when they're a little baked out. But Ben and I discovered in one another an equal match of nerdiness.

We had a very memorable discussion one day to feel this out. Our answers to most of the big questions were the same:
Kirk or Picard? (Picard)
Original or TNG? (TNG)
Seen all the movies? (Yes)
Seen all the episodes? (Yes)
Own all the movies and episodes? (No, but I would like to one day buy them used)
Read any of the books? (Yes--nervous laughter as we know the answer to the next question is a deal breaker)
How many? (Three, but I never bought any or anything like that)

Wow. We were even. We had each dipped our toes in the world of TV based sci-fi fantasy novels and decided we didn't want to swim in that sea. Tied--just to the weird side of socially acceptable.

The first time we hung out alone together we drank Merlot and watched two episodes of The Next Generation. I would still maintain that that evening is the quintessential picture of our relationship.

And can I tell you that the best man's toast at our wedding was the toast at Troi and Riker's wedding? He memorized the whole thing--it was our favorite wedding present.

All this to say, I had the best time seeing the new Star Trek movie with my husband tonight...

but I don't speak Klingon.

Beas and ant bait

When I told Ben that Bea Arthur had died, he immediately gave a most concerned look to the gerbil cage and back at me, anticipating a melt-down from his wife at the death of her pet. He was visibly relieved when I told him that, in fact, Bea Arthur the PERSON had died, not Bea Arthur the GERBIL.

For the record, my favorite episode of the Golden Girls is the one where Dorothy auditions for Jeopardy and totally excels at guessing the clues, but is not invited to appear on TV because she's cocky and the Jeopardy people don't believe anyone would root for her.

I don't know if guys realize it or not, but every group of women my age, at some point in high school, college, and/or their first few jobs, have assigned themselves and their friends Golden Girl characters. I think it probably goes without saying that I was always and unanimously elected Dorothy for the group...leading in part to my great affection for the woman and the legend, Bea Arthur. RIP Bea.

On an unrelated note, I think I got a little bit of ant poison in my mouth while I was unpacking groceries tonight. My stomach hurts, but I think I'll make it.

Facts of Life

Ben and Amanda and I had our friend Donna over for super terrific pizza night and a movie of Donna's choosing--Donna picked a hit! Christopher Reeves in "Somewhere in Time." This also happens to be my mom's favorite movie. Everything was cool until Anne called me from the Timothy House to tell me that one of our most steady residents came home high.

I'm so sad. It makes me want to pray and cry and lift weights and paint all at the same time.

So, I'm going to lift weights and pray and listen to music. When I'm done with that, I'm going to figure out how to draw Jeremiah feeling like the word of the Lord was fire in his bones. It will be Bible illustration #3, if I can figure out how to draw it. Initial sketches are going well.

Until that's done, please enjoy this poor quality photo of a mare and a colt standing in a field (probably in Middle Earth, like Gondor) that I painted for my neice...


...YES, Napoleon Dynamite helped.

Headache

I just ate a grilled cheese sandwich and a salad. I had one beer to go with my meal and I totally fell asleep on the couch watching the Simpsons Movie. I woke up with a headache and my arm covered in drool. I just can't party like I used to.

Speaking of which, for Lent I'm not cursing. I did this last year, too, but it didn't stick. I'm hoping cleaning up my mouth this year takes on a little more of a permanent role in who I am and what I'm like. I've screwed up more so far in the past week than I did all last year put together, but my effort is for the long haul...I want to be a person who uses words to bless God, not to curse everything and then try to figure out how to pray with the same mouth.

On a not-so-related topic, my friend Anne and I are writing a children's book and building a diorama and characters out of clay for the illustrations. We'll photograph it and then write the text into the digital pictures. I'm a little obsessed with it, and seeing Coraline in 3D is only throwing fuel on the fire. Anyway, the book is about dinosaurs, and our working title is "The Dyn-O-Rama." It's pure genius, and because Anne is working on it with me, it probably won't even be creepy.

Jacob's Ladder

"He had a dream, and behold, a ladder was set on the earth with its top reaching to heaven; and behold, the angels of God were ascending and descending on it..."

Jacob's vision in Genesis 28 goes on from there. I'm tired of precious moments illustrated Bibles. I'm illustrating the parts of the Bible that speak to me. I think the visual arts are an overlooked kind of worship, and that the gospel is too often presented in shrink wrapped nuggets of crap and pop culture.

When Solomon built the temple--a dwelling place for the Lord on earth, he called on skilled artisans to decorate it with their trade to the glory of God. There's no expiration date on that commission. If we're hopeful that the kingdom of God would come on earth as it is in Heaven, let's bring it with all of our skills, not just singing and talking.


Click on the image to see these way bigger.

It's really pretty here...

...and slippery. (Photo of our yard by Ben Horsch)


Most things were closed in Athens today. Like, for example, Ohio University.
Some things were open, though, and stuffed with people. Like, for example, the Good Works Timothy House and China Panda.

Hard hearted

I'm finding that it's really difficult to care about things.

That is, I do care about things, and caring about things makes life harder. A lot of my life has been lost to sarcasm and not giving a damn about people around me or the events going on in my world. It must have been about eight years ago that I asked God to take away the terrible apathy that I felt. I think that's been happening for a few years now, but it feels like it's all catching up with me this week.

I don't exactly regret praying against apathy, but...compassion hurts! Life is better with compassion, but it is also harder in a lot of ways. I find myself thinking a lot about things I didn't commit much time to before. I feel like I'm describing an android getting a soul...here are some things I'm chewing on tonight:

We're taking some disciplinary actions with a woman living at the Timothy House right now. She's being awful to the other women she lives with, picking on them, and generally insulting every aspect of their lives. Obviously, this is not OK and we have a responsibility to protect these other women from abuse. But I keep thinking about the woman we're disciplining. Like many people we meet, she doesn't have custody of her kids. She's disconnected from her family. All of her relationships are broken. She is full of bitterness and jealousy because of her fractured personal life, so she's taking it out on people who have meaningful relationships.

I also feel a lot of pressure about the WALK for the Homeless. It's really, really important to me to produce content that helps walkers understand the significance of solidarity--of voluntarily suffering with people. I want them to feel empathy for their homeless neighbors in a new way, and I don't want the experiences we create to fall flat.

Finally, I'm feeling really emotional about our friend Robert's death. I feel a lot of emotions about his passing, and many of them are in conflict and making it hard for me to work through them in my mind. I miss him. He filled a role in my life that no one else is filling--he was a person with whom I could be honest about embarrassing things. His physical vulnerability invited me to be vulnerable as well. He also had high expectations of me--in the way that parents or teachers do, and his expectations helped me to become a better person. He was also my friend, and maybe my husband's best friend. At times over the past couple of years when we were hungry for companionship, we had Robert. We were faithful to him, and that is good, but he was faithful to us, too. He didn't have to take an interest in us, or buy us steaks, or pick me wildflowers if all he wanted were rides to church or the store. But he didn't want rides; he wanted a friend and we needed one, too. So he wasnt' our pet project. He became family. His life is so devalued when people who knew him a little want to only talk about all the things we did for him. It's not like that. Robert expanded my definition of "friend" and "family." He was a person from whom I learned gentleness and patience. We opened our hearts and our family to him and I feel a loss.

This post is getting long and I need to go to bed. I'm having trouble articulating a lot of my thoughts. I think what I'm getting at is...opening my heart to people is new territory for me. Not totally new, or anything. I'm not discovering America. It's more like negotiating the Louisiana Purchase. Caring is hard, but really good.

My Friend

Some people wear their goodness on their faces and in their words for anyone and everyone to share. Other people are in pain and hide their goodness. They ration it out from deep inside. Maybe they don't have much to go around, so they keep it back just for a special few. But if we can be patient with the hard people, sometimes we are so blessed as to see their kindness. May we receive their smile, their blessing, their prayers, and may we be blessed indeed.

Thank God for the saints who are walking around among us who are willing to be faithful to the pricks and the bastards, because they hold the keys to our salvation. These friends are truly Christ-like in their love.

My husband is a faithful man.

Our friend Dr. Janet brought Robert Dorn to the Vineyard for the first time about three years ago. He was terminally ill and more than a little spaced out. His comments were pretty clearly intended to scare us off. He wanted to make it clear to us that he was an asshole and we wouldn't like him...but we did. I think what I liked about him most in those first few months was his gruffness; society paints a picture for you of how you should die--all peaceful and grateful for the time you've had. Robert wasn't like that. He was pissed that he was sick, angry at his body, cursing, and threatening with every turn for the worse to blow his brains out. He was a prick, but he was honest and he was entertaining. Ben and I took to him immediately, and he took to Ben.

I don't think it's an exageration to say that after about six months or so, Robert became Ben's best friend in Athens and Ben Robert's. They spent every Sunday after church together. Ben would take Robert home and Robert would talk for hours about anything and everything, and Ben would listen. I gave up on the idea of Sunday lunch with Ben. Sundays were for Robert.

Ben made an investment in him and Robert made an investment in Ben. Robert's heart began to change. He started talking to the frail women at church. He hobbled over to them and really listened to them. If he found out they had a problem or a need, he was insistent with us--what we were going to do for them? He started really listening to us, too. When Ben got stressed out about school, Robert asked me if he was OK and encouraged him. When our friend wanted to buy chickens, Robert taught him how to raise them. When I got a chest cold that didn't go away, Robert put his hand on my shoulder and prayed for me.

Somewhere along the way his words turned from poison to kindness, and we knew they were sincere, because he didn't know any other way to be.

Robert died in his own bed in his trailer some time Thursday night or Friday morning. Over the past few years he had become a member of our family and I miss him.

Robert's life causes me to consider God's faithfulness and love. Because God has been faithful to us, and because we hold his love in our hearts, sometimes we can see the potential in others. Loving communities give us the courage to love ugly people. God is so gracious in reaching out to us. I've had the great joy of seeing Him use my husband's faithfulness to turn the stoney heart of the hardest of men toward the gentleness of Christ.

I was blessed to witness this transformation. I am grateful to be married to a person who sees the best in people. I am glad to worship a God who so loves us.